Whoah. Had a hell of a day at work.

We pulled in over $400 in the cafe tonight. At the time, it wasn't that fun (thoughts of self-immolation crossed my mind many a time), but after we closed, I felt accomplished. And then we listened to my Fleetwood Mac CD. And then on the way home the radio was playing Don't Look Back.

I think dropping this class was just what I needed. Emo may be on it's way out.

"TODAY'S HORISCOPE: FUCK YEAH" - Courage Wolf

I did not do my essay.

I probably said I was working on it. I wasn't. I did not get past my second draft, and at this point it looks like I never will.

I can't believe that something a stupid and trivial as this can screw me up so badly. I'm not saying I don't have a problem - I literally could not concentrate on writing this - but I'm sure the subject matter didn't help.

I'm hungry and I feel fucking stoned again. Maybe I still have that fucking infection from back in January. Or maybe my brain finally stopped producing the chemicals necessary for emotional response. They sure feel similar.

I should never have taken this fucking summer course. I should have waited until the fall like every other normal human being slacker degenerate fuckhead. Perhaps this ambition of mine is the proverbial rattle that god gave to me, just to have the satisfaction of taking it away.

I sat in front of a word processor for hours and hours, day after day, and did absolutely nothing. What the hell? Was I scared or something? Or has it finally gotten to the point where I have nothing left to write about, where I am finally that lifeless fucking zombie I so desperately feared becoming when I was a kid?

I've always sucked at the things people tried to tell me I was good at, the people who slighted and hurt me will always end up doing better than me, and I will forever be hindered and traumatized by one fucking asshole who for all intents and purposes should be well out of my life by now.

First time I've done this since I thought I found direction in life. I quit. I fucking quit.

I feel the need to write something important here yet again, and am once more overwhelmed by the fact that I have no such wisdom to impart.

Ohhh weeeell

I do not understand the mentality of some people.

What kind of twisted logic mandates that you must treat every human being with an equal and decent amount of respect, except for when they're retail workers?

cue oh god he thinks he's important again ahaha

Seriously. I'm not saying that this is something everyone is guilty of, but I personally know a few people who will have no problem with being belligerent towards the person who is trying to help them. Some even brag about it, speaking triumphantly about how stupid the kid behind the desk was and how they told that braindead, ambitionless fuck what's what.

I'm not saying that people don't have the right to complain about someone not doing their job. If someone's not doing their job, people should complain. But as soon as you start assuming that everyone in a low-paying job is a burnt out, witless piece of shit and treating them as such, they aren't going to take that so kindly. And you may be fine with that now, but just wait until you bitch out the person serving you your food.

CLASS WENT WELL

THEN MINIGOLF WAS FUN

AAAAGH WHAT THE HELL

I don't know what I'm supposed to write here anymore. Nor do I know why I refuse to sleep even though I really should get a decent night's sleep before tomorrow.

I had an eventful few days. I'm hopeful, but I'm kind of wondering if it's selfish of myself to be feeling this ennui.

But, writing here hasn't solved anything in the past, why should it now?

Working on my character...ordering the Savage Worlds core...

I daresay there's a chance I may be productive sometime in the near future!

http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=4&p=001267

I thought I dried my hair properly, but...it's still dripping onto my pajama pants. Woe is truly me.

So we went to the Air Show Thing at Jones Beach today, which was pretty awesome.

(FUCK EWW JUST HAD A REALLY GROSS BATTLE WITH A SILVERFISH EEEYYYUUGGHHH)

Oh god, okay. I'm okay. Fucking prehistoric shit's dead. Uuugh. Anyway.

The air show was pretty awesome. A helicopter did a barrel roll! A helicopter! I thought doing that would like...break the blades off, but...my lack of aircraft knowledge aside, it was awesome.

After that we played pool at a pretty awesome place that's right outside my neighborhood. Then a fire was had in which my brother and I used our manly diaphragms to keep the fire alive, and in one case revive it. We rock.

Then we watched Never Back Down, aka The Movie That Had To Resort To IMDB Forum Quotes For Any Semblance Of Publicity. It was...pretty bad. The girlfriend was the best character though, she will forever live on as "delayed reaction girl" in our hearts.

I HAD A FUN DAY :)

Also "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga is a horrible, horrible song because the chorus doesn't sound all that bad and then every other part of that song is pretty standard Black Eyed Peas shit.

Lady Gaga looks like a CAST though.

I've come to the realization that I'm a sad excuse for a human being. I can give you details if you'd like, but I really wouldn't want to post them for everyone to see.

BOY OH BOY

TIME TO PLAY PERSONA AND WUSS OUT FROM GOING TO A PARTY BECAUSE I HARDLY KNOW ANYONE :)

CONSIDERING DRIVING TO NEWBURGH

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME

So here's my dilemma.

This paper thing. I can write papers, I think. I'm pretty good at this bullshitting thing. I like writing, after all.

Problem with these science papers is you need these things called...REFERENCES. Ugh. What.

And lazy ass over here decided not to work on this paper until the last minute. YAAAY.

I worked out a rough estimate of my grade without this paper (extra credit), and it's looking like it would work out to a low 70, which would be JUST FINE.

But this is an estimate, and it's dangerously close to the borderline to assume I'd be safe without it...and I really, really, REALLY need sleep.

I'm so glad I set up these academic dominoes to fall at this PERFECT time.

EDIT

I've successfully sabotaged any hopes of doing this paper.

I can hope that this will be inconsequential, and still lead to a C...but this is a hope. Failure would not belay my dreams, but it may put a considerable strain on my wallet.

I suppose I should sleep. I still have a comprehensive math final...oh boy.

TIME TO WRITE A PAPER ON GAY ANIMALS AHAHAHAHAHA

Watch this without laughing.

So today I skipped school because I felt like a kind of crap. Tried to study up on my gay animals paper and realized that perhaps this may not be the easiest topic to write a Bio paper on only a few months too late.

My day was considerably improved by things I really can't post on a public online journal though. Rest assured, better days lay ahead.

Work was tiring.

My brother keeps getting hit by cars in the pool.

EDIT:


I think I've discovered the meaning of life:

1. I'm helping Sean J move his stuff to his new oceanfront property that is just a little down commack road. I'm using my car. Sean is driving the Prime truck, and expresses his interest in getting a commercial driver's license as we drive through art. This isn't to say we were ramming our way through priceless masterpieces, we were actually driving through bizarre art-like structures.

Somewhere along the way, I lose my shirt in a patch of tall grass. I find it, but when I try to retrieve it, a wasp with boxing gloves starts rapid-fire stinging my right index finger. I eventually get my shirt back by running at top speed and picking the shirt up as I pass. It turns out later that Sean lost his mattress in the same patch of grass, and I comment that retrieving that will certainly be harder.

2. Sparky is barking in 3/4 time, then switches to 4/4.

3. goddammit there were at least two more, I can't believe I forgot them.

Also, this goddamn song was playing in my head for every interlude where I kinda woke up to set my alarm later.

WHAT A DISAPPOINTING ENTRY.

So I promised myself that, since I overslept this morning, missed my psychologist appointment and more or less did NOTHING today, I would get to sleep somewhat early.

And of course NOW is the time I start reading Homestuck.

I hate my life.

I'm thinking.

I'm thinking maybe I could, instead of working full time in the fall, try and take that Russian course over at SBUh.
Or instead, ask for that Rosetta Stone thing.
Maybe I should just study up on the language book-wise, although that rarely helps as much as hearing and speaking the language.
Maybe I can go the fuck home, skip math class and get some sleep before I have to drive my grandpa to court in the morning.

MAYBE I CAN BE A ROCK STAR

I think we've all learned a valuable lesson!

Lesson 1 - Star Trek was fantastic. The casting was amazing, the writing was a great compromise between fans of the original series and people unfamiliar with Star Trek alike, and...I hate to say it...Mr. Abrams directed it very, very well. Damn him. Damn him and his silver floating 3d helvetica text.

Lesson 2 - Playing Metallica's S&M album on full blast in the store after we close is cathartic like nothing else.

Lesson 3 - STILL CAN'T TALK TO PEOPLE LOL

Lesson 4 - I'm leaning heavily towards Savage Worlds. I'm starting to remember how much I loved that system.